30 Day Fear Cleanse (Day Two)

This is a 30 day challenge to overcome fear and become even more courageous. 

Upon waking this morning I decided rather than think about what to write about, I needed to experience the actual getting over of one of my fears so I can be an example.

Here are the steps I followed to confront fear. 

1. Choose a fear.
  a.  Start with an easier one that you can take on right now. Maybe it is creating art. That scares most people. I took on swimming in water where I can't see the bottom. This morning we went to the beach. It is only 9 minutes away and we hardly go so I decided it was time to face my fear in the real world rather than on paper. The bay is even closer but I was not ready to swim there even though the water is quieter.  You don't have to confront your fear like I am. All I am asking you to do is face your fear on paper where it is safe.

   b. Draw out on a piece of paper using scribbles, doodle like imagery what it LOOKS like to FEEL this fear.  Attempt to NOT THINK- FEEL. Move our of your head. What does it feel like to have this fear? Allow the pencil or pen to draw without your mind involved. Allow it to move. Give it some help at first, make the first move and let the pencil or pen move across the paper as you imagine feeling the fear.

                    We must first reveal the fear and feel it to begin to let the fear go.

     What ever the fear is, it is only your imagination right now, you are safe. Our minds seem to not know the difference between reality and fiction. We can feel the stress just by a thought of this fear. Let's learn to let it go. If you didn't do yesterday's assignment, make a list of fears. Try for 7 of them. Do this first and then proceed.

     When at the beach,  I drew in the sand. I made a box first and then drew a horizontal line toward the bottom of the box. This line got deeper and deeper as I dug into the sand to express how intense the fear is.  If I were drawing on paper, the line may have gotten thicker and thicker showing my fear.

      I realized I was not only afraid of water that I couldn't see the bottom of,  I was petrified of water outside of being in a pool. When I was sitting next to the Gulf of Mexico with mild waves I was so afraid of it.  My husband was nearby on a bench reading the NY Times. I realized the fear stemmed from being at the shore in Cape Cod when only 4 or 5 years old. The waves were big and the current pulling at my feet out to sea was extremely strong. I wanted to be removed from that place as fast as I could be. Then my brother fell off the float when we were on the calmer side of Cape Cod. He went under water.  My mom screamed and quickly pulled him out. I was afraid for him as well. He was fine but we got out of the water right after. There is no memory of going back in on that trip. I think we even left our vacation early and went home.  It is important to reveal the source of our fear.

                                               Give drawing from your imagination a try.
It doesn't matter what the lines or shapes look like, how they are drawn, just that you draw something and then decide what does it feel like?

                                               What does your drawing represent to you?
 If you are having trouble doing this. Put your pencil on the paper and allow it to move. The way you make it move tells a story. If the line stays straight, that means one thing. If it climbs up another meaning. Try drawing what confusion feels like. Right now, put your pencil on paper and draw a confusing line.

 

    Lines express meaning.  The lines that show confusion are probably all over the place. This is what it is like to allow the lines to express meaning.  If you haven't already, draw what your selected fear feels like.  Once you have that drawn, the good part is next. 

2. Imagine what it would feel like if the opposite of what you drew were actually true. 

    a. Now, draw what the opposite would feel like. I kept drawing a wide u shape.  Draw on your paper what the opposite would feel like for you.

3. Imagine yourself now in your fear with the new perspective. How does it feel? 

For me, I felt supported. The water supported me if the opposite were true. Rather than sucking me into this unknown place, I was being supported. What did you come up with? How does that feel?

    Since I was at the beach, the water was still warm, my husband was nearby and someone was walking even closer to me on the beach, I decided to go into the water by myself just up to my knees. A rush of fear washed over me. It started in my belly and came up my whole torso. I wanted to run. (My fight, flight or freeze pattern is flight.) What is yours? Instead, I remembered my drawing. Support. The water is supporting me. I walked in deeper and attempted to feel the wave move me.  FEAR!!!! No, I said, support. It is attempting to support me. It took about 5 minutes until I finally walked in deeper, let go and swam. There were small fish nearby but they left as I entered further in the water. I am doing it! I was still filled with a feeling of panic but I wanted to feel the support. 

I started to. I swam about 20 feet, turned around, walked back and swam again in the same direction as the first time. I did this over and over. I wanted the the log sticking up from the water to serve as a safe place for me. Silly, right? I know. Yet, each time I swam those 20 feet, I felt more and more relaxed. Finally my husband looked up and saw me swimming, alone in the gulf.  He then joined me. Together we swam back and forth until I had enough. I felt so good. It was a start. 

    We walked down the beach and the waves got bigger and bigger, the wind blew harder.

Perfect body surfing conditions.  My husband loves to body surf and he was so excited that he could actually body surf on the Gulf of Mexico. This was a first for him. He was happy for me and I was happy for him.

     I wanted to give body surfing a try but I was not over the fear of water totally yet. 

      Once in the water, I could not see my feet. The water was filled with sand after crashing on the beach. Body surfing looked fun but I chickened out. I made an excuse why it wouldn't be today.  Another day. Today I felt like I made huge progress.  

     Can you see there is a new possibility for you? Are you able to test the waters? It depends on what your fear is, if you desire to tackle it and if you need someone to support you in this. Find support if support is needed. This is only the beginning.

                                                           For me, this is a great day.